Do Over
You know that feeling, I guess. When you've done something in a not so clever way, and you wish you'd get a do-over. This happende to me the other day, when I requested a continuance of the medication I received up till now.
Having been raised as a true Dutchman, I thought it unnecessarily wasteful to order my medication just as I was about to run out. This meant having three packages sent, where one would have been possible, had I thought of pre-ordering the other stuff that was going to run out at a later date.
The other day I did think of this and ordered all my prescription drugs at once.
Big mistake.
Suddenly my GP awoke to the idea of everything I was able to use at some point or other, and thought it to be too much. He decided I was not going to prescribe the most pleasant one of the bunch, any more. Shit!
At that point I had this strong feeling of do-over.
Strangely enough, it felt like that was actually attainable. Like if I thought of it hard enoug, it was actually going to happen. I had to awaken myself to reality. Because I had ordered all my prescription drugs at once, I now lost the best one of them. And I was not going to get that back again.
I guess there is nothing autistic to the sense of loss I felt. Accompanied by some degree of indignation. I felt I was wrongly deprived of my opiate. After all: I used it so sparingly that every time I ordered it, I had to call the assistent of the GP because it had been too long ago since I last ordered it. So I thought I was not abusing that medication, or doing something which endangered my health.
Of course I could meet with my GP and try to persuade him to prescribe that drug anyway. But this would have to entail some measure of lying. Because I have been using the drug in a slightly different way to what it was prescribed for. I'm afraid it will lead to not getting another drug either, any more, leading me from the puddle into the pond.