I wrote about the emotions resulting from experiencing things that represent obvious quality or power. I talked about it with my therapist. “Your emotion is surfacing,” she said. Great. Why?

That, I gathered, is a typical autistic reaction. Thinking. Always thinking. About everything. Trying to understand what’s happening. Trying to find the cause, the relationship, the correlation, and all its conditions.

She asked me why I wanted to know what caused my outbursts of emotion. And I thought: how could you not want to know the cause? Of everything that happens to you. Doesn’t man, typically, ask the reason why? Why does God punish us? Why did we survive and they die? Why did I not get the promotion? Why is it always raining when you go on holiday?

I heard her saying that it wasn’t necessary to look for reasons or causes. Just experience your emotion, let it be. Don’t try to control it, or understand it.

I heard it. And I think I understand it. But I really can’t feel it. It is so not me, not thinking. It’s a little like trying to find the origin of the world. There is never a decisive answer. You can always ask once more: and what existed before that? What created the Big Bang? And how long did that exist? What existed before that? And what before that?

God created the world? Great. So where was He before that happened, and how long did He exist before He started creating? What was He doing during that time?

There is always another question to be asked when searching for the meaning of life. Asking so damn many questions has led us to these vastly industrialized, highly developed societies with it’s technologies and sciences. So how can you not ask questions, when so clearly we owe our very existence to it?

Okay, so I’m feeling more now, though not understanding it. How is this going to help me? How am I going to make progress when I’m not even supposed to ask questions and try to understand?

This ACT-business might prove to be a lot more tricky than I thought it would be.