filing tax returns
Every year it’s the same thing all over again: the tax return. And every year it appears to be less of a job than I thought it would be. So why do I get so nervous every single time?
Thinking about it, I figured it had to do with the unrivaled powers the IRS has. The burden of proof is on the tax payer. So whatever the IRS people say is true, unless you can legally prove them wrong. That’s a hell of a way to get people nervous.
Now of course they will say that they are not out to get people, and that they will grant you some benefit of the doubt. But for me that is of little comfort. Maybe it’s the autism speaking here. I wouldn’t be surprised if it is. But I got in so much trouble with a governmental department of social services, for which the reversal of the burden of proof does not apply, that I find no comfort at all in the idea that I might get a break.
Basically I feel that as soon as someone starts to ask prodding questions, they are not of good will or faith and they actually are out to get me. Whatever they subject is. And since every citizen it supposed to know the law, including all tax laws that apply to them, and in actual fact most citizens hardly have any knowledge in this field, the playing field of misuse of power is laid out perfectly, waiting for an unsuspecting victim.
You might say: if you did nothing wrong, there is nothing to worry about. Tell that to non autistic people, it doesn’t wash with me. People with power have a tendency to misuse it. Just because they can. So every time I get into a situation where I am confronted with a disproportionate level of power, like with customs too, I get very nervous and tend to hold my breath and hope it will all blow over. Doesn’t matter that I have absolutely nothing illegal in my suitcase, or my tax return. It’s the theoretical possibility of being driven into a corner that I wouldn’t know how to get out of, that makes me lose sleep over it.
We filed our tax returns. I do think that we did that correctly. But I really have no way of knowing for certain. It takes several months for me to get over this tax anxiety. When I think that they will have found any irregularities should there have been any, that is when I start to relax. So I have about 3/5 of a year that I am relatively relaxed about my tax return.
You’d think that with this attitude I will try to stay away from anything that might be perceived as a problem. But that is not entirely true. Yes, for many years I did not fill in a tax return because I was content with what the IRS took from my wages and I felt the price of not trying to deduct anything was worth the peace of mind. But once you have filed a tax return, you are in it for life. And this motivates to try my luck every once in a while. I stay away from many tax deductions so as not to get too anxious about not using them right. But now and again I will go for what I believe is correct, and thus exposing myself to a much higher degree of stress than before.
This year is one of those instances. Every year I spend more on health care than the forfeit amounts to. So I would have an opportunity to deduct the surplus. This year I have done so for the first time in a long, long while. Meaning that I will start losing sleep over the idea that I might have woken the IRS to inspect my tax return and get me in all kinds of trouble for not filling in the form in precisely the right way.
I would actually feel much better if the IRS not only got all bank statements without my interference, but was able to collect all relevant data for my return and just file it themselves. That way I wouldn’t be able to make a mistake, could not be held accountable for not knowing what I didn’t know, and get a correct taxation without worrying about it.
I’m afraid that will be a long time coming. Until that time I will spend an increasing part of the year worrying about what might have gone wrong.
It is not the paying of tax that I hate so much. In fact I was rather proud when for the first time I had to pay VAT. It’s the stress surrounding the returns that I really, really hate. And subsequently everyone who makes me file them.