How does the autistic mind work?
Of course I can only speak for myself. But as therapists tell me, autism is the prevailing mindset for me. I think it is best demonstrated by giving examples. Here is one.
I worked as a volunteer for several years for a small group of people who needed assistance in several areas, including a technical one. I befriended - or at least I thought I did - another technically minded person within that group. I borrowed an electric converter from him. That is, he said that he would like it back some time, not soon, whenever I would be done with it. I didn't get to using it in every way I wanted to, yet. So it was still lying in my garage when the group and I broke up.
From the group I had some minor things in my possession. Some connectors, some papers, nothing worth much. When we broke up - in an adversarial way - I asked about how and when to exchange these properties. Some of mine were left at the club's premises. They wanted to make an appointment for that. But because I really didn't want to see them again, and since I had some business at those premises for something unrelated, I went and exchanged our belongings myself.
So far nothing autistic about it. But....what about the electric converter?
The converter did not belong to the club at any time. I got the use of it from one of it's members. He didn't want to speak to me ever again, so I did not get in touch with him about returning the converter. But since it had nothing to do with the group/club, I felt I could not leave it at the club. I thought he wouldn't be looking for it there, someone else might see it as something that didn't belong there since it had never been owned by the club, and therefor it might possibly get lost.
More importantly was the question of ownership. I borrowed the converter from him personally, not in any capacity related to the club. That meant that in my mind it would be quite wrong for me to leave it at the club. This was something between me and him.
But there was another problem. He never wanted to see me again. That meant that I could not drive over to his house as I did when things went well between us, and return it. I would then be seen by him. Which he expressly did not want.
I hung on to the converter. I didn't use it. I just didn't know how to return it, or whether I had to.
This was something of a tricky situation, though. He lend it to me to use until I had no further use for it. At least that was my understanding. And I did/do have some possible further use for it. It might take a while before I have time to get to it, but I have not finished with the converter. Therefor, in agreement with the lending terms, I could hang on to it until the described situation occured of me being finished with it. On the ohter hand: since our relationship had gone sour, he might look different upon this agreement. But he didn't say. I found myself in an unsolvable situation.
When the phone rang displaying his number, I was confronted with an answer. I didn't take the call, of course. I wanted to respect his wishes never to speak to me again. But calling me could only mean that he did want his converter back. I could think of no other rational explanation.
So now I know he wants his converter back. Problem is of course still how to do that. I may not be seen by him, nor have to speak to him. But I don't want to leave it outside his door without him knowing, because than it might get stolen.
A bit of a sticky wicket, this. I haven't solved the problem of how to return the converter to him, yet. Probably I'll ask someone else to do it for me. But that, to me, is thinking outside the box, because this is something that concerns only me and him. Noone else. Giving the converter to someone else to return it, means giving up on the agreement I had with the owner. I'll be giving something which was lend to me personally, to someone who he did not lend it to.