sick to my stomach
I made an error, lately. And I feel sick to my stomach about it.
The facts.
The past months the shower had trouble keeping at the temperature set on the thermostatic faucet. It went colder, and when adjusting for that on the temperature rotary knob it did so again. This seemed to me to be either a problem of the combi boiler or the thermostatic faucet. Since we had problems with that in the past, I decided to replace it with a brand new one. That however did not solve the problem. So I called the maintenance firm and asked them to solve it for me. They asked whether the water temperature also plumbeted at other faucets in the house. I said I didn't know, but that I replaced the one in the shower, so that it couldn't be a fault of the faucet. The guy at the other end decided to send a technician. He came today.
First thing he asked, was whether the problem occured at other faucets. I gave him the same answer. He then proceeded to the bathroom and tried both shower and wash basin faucets. Both faucets appeared to receive scolding hot water all the time. Only the shower head did not deliver the same. Ergo: although the problem hadn't been found, let alone solved, the combi boiler could not be at fault. So the guy left.
Now I feel sick to my stomach because I did not check the water temperature of the warm water faucets elsewhere in the house, even though this had been suggested to me. It was something I could have easily done, and which would have proved to me also that there was no need to have a technician come to look at the problem. Now I have to pay for my stupid mistake to make up for the half hour the guy spent at my home.
The reason I feel sick to my stomach is because I so easily could have prevented this mistake. And I didn't. I can rationalize about why I didn't, but that won't make it less of a stupid mistake. Because is would have been so easy.
So why did I not check the other faucets?
The best reason I can think of, is that I had already concluded that the problem must lay with the hot water heater, because a new faucet did not remedy the problem. Because of that conclusion, even the suggestion of the maintenance firm fell on deaf ears. It didn't fit into my expectation scheme. Therefor I couldn't act on it.
Writing this down, I think: what a silly reason. How come I can't do something simple just because it falls outside of my expectations? Truth is that this happens all the time. I can't set myself to do things that do not fit the presupposition I have made of it. This scheme of expectations governs how I can react to the world around me. Even though I would want differently. Predictability and expectations are everything. They make the world livable. And on the other hand they make mistakes made because of it, unlivable.
I can't forgive myself for making the mistake. It just is too stupid, was too easy to prevent and too simple to predict. I will learn from it. Next time there is a likewise problem, this event will be part of my expectations. Therefor I will hopefully be able to act on it. Although I can't be sure. It has also happenend quite often that even though I did think of the right thing to do, and thought it was something I should do, I still couldn't do it. Somewhere there is an arm holding me back in those cases. Consequently I am forced to see things go wrong although that chain of events did fall within my expectations.