Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue

Quite possible that everybody experiences something like this. I can only speak for myself. I use this as an example. I could tell the same story about different hardware.

In de past days my car navigation didn't work well. I could hardly hear the directions and dearly missed the so called 3D street view. I takes some time and quite a bit of persuasion on my part to do something about it. Firstly I wonder about what the best course of action would be, not excluding buying a new one to get rid of the problem. When to idea that the problem must be quite solvable gets the better of me, I finally take action. In this case consisting of upgrading the software and downloading the manual. And after an hour’s work or so, it worked like before.

This renewed functionality feels like it's a new piece of equipment. The boyish delight in working with a newly acquired toy takes hold of me. Not being a boy anymore I put the brakes on such feelings, or at least action based on them. But I do like this feeling. It's a bit like getting a present.

A bit different is focusing my attention on something I haven't been using for quite some time because it broke down. I put it aside because I couldn't come up with a solution to the defect soon enough. Then, when I refocus my attention on it and do get it to work again, regaining its functionality also renews the feeling of acquiring it.

Recently I was invited to visit a house of someone who had to evacuate it for health reasons. He just couldn't cope with the care of a three storey brown stone filled to the brim with all kinds of stuff. An army of clutter removers had gone before me but still there was lots lying around. I rummaged through it with some unease. This was by all means still the house of someone else. I felt like trespassing. But they said I could take what I wanted, so I went through the house looking at what still lay around. In the end I took a boot full of stuff home with me. And again it felt like getting presents, and I wanted to put the stuff to use right away. Several things I took on holiday with me, convinced they would be of value.

And lastly this boyish joy over rediscovered junk appears when I find something of my own somewhere in a forgotten space. Sometimes it is something I thought about occasionally but just couldn't find. The joy is greater however when it concerns something I forgot I had. When it is something I don't use anymore, like toy model cars, the refound joy is of a nostalgic kind and takes me back to the time I got it first. Though tempered by the realization that I cannot use it anymore in any meaningful way, this is the best kind of joy relived, for it actually takes me back to my boyhood.

All this has been a factor in having a hard time to part with things. On some occasions I've even started to reacquire stuff I did get rid of, just to try and relive the feeling of joy when I first got it.

Like with camera's I have used in the past. In that particular case it is not about collecting rare camera's, it's about getting the ones I once had or dreamed of having. Finally being able to afford the camera I dreamed of having. It is very hard to resist that feeling, even though technical progress has rendered the camera obsolete.

Does this mean I live in the past? Maybe. I don't dwell on it to the point of thinking it to be superior to present day hardware. I know it isn't. And realizing that I won't be using the old stuff, does put the brakes on buying it. But every now and again this boyish feeling gets the better of me and another corner of the house is filled with something I once owned. Like a reel to reel tape recorder, that doesn't really work anymore.

It's a problem many men have, I think. So maybe this has nothing whatsoever to do with autism. Concentrating on that problem, I hope to get a handle on this collecting junk as well though.