waiting for the light

No, I don't mean the title of the film with Shirley McLaine. I mean: like waiting for a traffic light. That's what happens often when I am around other people doing their own thing.

Like my wife, or in this particular instance: a guy that plastered the kitchen wall and is at this very moment renewing the kit seams in the bathroom. Both needed to be done. And in both instances I am glad I'm not the one doing it. But although I don't have the burden of the work itself, I do feel a quite heavy burden of enduring his presence, and.....waiting for the green light when he goes away.

But also with my wife, when she's getting ready for an appointment she made. She goes up and down the stairs, doing her hair, looking for her phone, seeing to the dog.....whatever. She's not sitting on the couch or in her hobby room, she's moving around. And just as with the plasterer, I don't know when (s)he'll be at what location in the house, when (s)he will be done, and when - consequently - the usual tranquility in our home will return. This is a source of stress and is very tiresome.

I get so tired of anticipating and trying to think waht to do, that I would like to ly down and sleep. But as long as the situation isn't "at rest", I can't get any rest either. I try to think of things I can do. But because I can't focus completely on the task at hand, there is littel chance of me getting things done. Waiting for the (green) light is a full time job for me.

I have started another project which will involve builders of some kind coming into the house and upsetting everything. I try not to think about the consequences it has on me. Because if I do, nothing will get done. The roof wouldn't get fixed, neither would the drains, the windows or the bathroom. And when the guys have gone, there is always this disarray. Dust all over the house, things not in their proper place, of in the place I have gotton used to seeing them in, anyway. It takes at least another day to be able to get back to feeling at home again. And since many a time the work isn't up to spec, the feeling of unease lasts for weeks. Until everything is finally back to normal.

I try to learn to accept work which is not up to spec. It seems almost impossible fo find someone who actually delivers perfect results. But every time some work is finished, I am faced with the dilemma: to I accept this and wrap up the "waiting for the light", or do I complain about it and try to have it fixed properly?

So finally I have to admit and accept that it is me who is swithcing this light I am waiting for. I just dread not knowing when and how to switch it.